Mumble, mumble, mumble ... POOF!
You say " Witch " like it's a BAD thing!?
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
I think we met in a past life--and you were a dipstick then, too
It's hard to soar with Dragons when you work with Gargoyles
Of course I'm in a bad mood --
Someone just dropped a house on my sister !
If Karma don't knock you down soon
I will !
My body is a temple. Wanna come over for Midnight Mass ?
Will the deity who nailed the Kosmic Karmic
" KICK ME " sign to my back,
kindly remove it?
Five days a week, my body is a Temple
The other two, it's an Amusement Park
I have the body of a god....Buddha
http://paganandproudofit.com/Funny-pages.html
The Two AM Monster in the Bathroom when your half asleep :)
The 13 Commandments of being a Witch
1. Thou shall not turn thy ex into a frog.
2. Thou shall not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
3. Thou shall not laugh at nekked snow sprites.
4. Thou shall not get drunk with thy Goddess's wine.
5. Thou shall not sacrifice thy little sister.
6. Thou shall not go running around proclaiming thy witchhood if thy are in times of burning.
7. Thou shall not question the word of thy High Priestess - She is God.
8. Thou shall not laugh at being nekked at coven - thou shall be killed.
9. Thou shall not commit to signing anything that declares any single person as thy lord and savior.
10. Thou shall not invoke thy Watchtowers only to say "never mind".
11. Thou shall not burn enough candles to burn thy house down.
12. Thou shall not have the magickal name "Sir Stinky Fartsalot".
13. Thou shall not call coven only for laughs.
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary - Prefers to remain anonymous
Day 752--- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I'm forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761----Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving in and out of their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, note must try at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair......must try doing this on their bed.
Day768---I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was given the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called (shampoo). What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of the thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771---There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they called " Beer". More importantly I over heard that my confinement was due to my Power of Allergies. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774---I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half wit. The bird on-the-other-hand has got to be an informant he speaks with them on a regular basis. I am certain he is reporting on my every move. Due to his placement in a metal room his safety is assured. But, I can watch and I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
Below is found at the Pagan Library online The Cauldron
Words: Liam Cyfrin
Music: Blowing in the Wind by Bob Dylan
How many robes can a Witch ignite
While dancing too close to the flame?
How many words from the Grimm Brothers' tales
Can you really expect to "reclaim"?
And how many chants fall as flat as a tack
When you mispronounce each Sacred Name?
Chorus:
The candles, my friend, are blowin' out again.
The candles are blowin' out again.
How many times can the incense go wild
And firemen break down your door?
How many times can athames get dropped
And spear peoples' feet to the floor?
Yes, and how many times can you brandish your wand
And whack the HP on the jaw?
Chorus
How many years can you do the same rite
And still get the words mostly wrong?
And how many spells of "Hereditary Craft"
Quote verses from Erica Jong?
And how many times can your Sabbat Great Rite
Last less than a half minute long?
Chorus
Listen to the words of the Great Mall Mother, who of old was called Bargain Basement Shopper, Flea Market Browser, and The Half-Off Sale Spotter:
Whenever you have need of anything, or simply have an irresistible urge to spend money, once a month, or more often if your credit limit permits, and better it be when your charge card isn't overextended, you shall assemble in a huge place called The Mall, to adore the Spirit of Spending, AKA The Great Mall Mother. You shall be free to charge as much as you want, and as a sign that you be free, you shall have Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Sears, and J.C.Penney cards at your fingertips. Charge pagan CD's, charge herbs, candles, and Tarot cards, charge chocolate, charge anything that shall bring you ecstasy of the spirit and make your life more joyous on earth. For my law is CHARGE EVERYTHING!
The charge card is the secret that opens the doors of all the shops in the mall. The Cauldron of Credit is the Holy Grail of unlimited spending and high finance charges. It gives knowledge of eternal debt in exchange for the freedom to buy what you want even when you can't afford it. It brings reunion with all your friends and neighbors who've also come unto the mall to use their plastic.
Nor do I demand aught of sacrifice, except that you shall deposit your entire paycheck in the bank to cover your credit card bills, for behold, I am the bringer of all material things, and my account number, expiration date, and credit limit are poured out to all who apply and are found to qualify.
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